Where it all starts

It's 3:20 am on Thursday morning. And sleep is no where within my grasp, in fact it's so far gone it's not even in sight. So instead I fix my gaze on Practical Magic and some inspirational pictures on facebook.  Well somewhere between the bad 90's clothing, and the loud snoring of my boyfriend next to me on the couches we've pushed together as a bed--I realize something has really got to change. I've tried a handful of things in the past few months. My first thought was maybe it was my job I rushed into down here after the move to North Carolina, but once I found an alternative I realized that I really didn't hate hostessing all that much. I mean, it supplied me with a good amount of hours, had me busy and out of the house, and gave me contact with other girls who were in pretty much the same position as me. Then I thought maybe it was the lack of a bed to sleep on. I mean pushing the two couches (which may I say at this time are destroyed after months of sleeping on them every night) gets old pretty damn fast. Sounds to me like a good reason to be miserable, but for some reason I don't think that was it either. I could of course put the blame on my boyfriend, who asked me to move out of the state I love and all the people in it who have kept me sane--but I know I made the decision, and although the move sucks, it's only temporary and any woman of strength should be able to strive through. So that pretty much left one option for me. Me. Something had to change there, and I had to be the one to do it. It's no hidden secret the one thing I would love to change about myself is my weight. In highschool I was a skinny little thing, with confidence and pride. Those two are a great recipe for strength and courage too. All things that sounded pretty damn good to have right about now. So as the clock ticks well past 3:30, I realize that maybe it's time for some self discipline. Maybe it's time to fight back against all the little people running around in my head with the long list of "things to do", and actually get some sleep. Because tomorrow will require an early start, because it sure as hell will be a big start ;) After all.......